Although the pandemic will eventually ease and life will start to return to a new normal, videoconferencing is here to stay. It saves you and your attorney time and money, and you’ll often get in to see your attorney more easily. In order to maximize the benefit of video-conferencing, there are things you need to do (and things NOT to do) to make things easier. l. Most video-conferences are with Zoom and you don’t need an app for that. Microsoft Teams is a little trickier, but this office Zooms. 2. You should always use a desktop or laptop computer for your conferencing. They are easier to use, and the sound and picture is much better than on a cell phone. Make sure you have audio and a camera set up for your video-conference. 3. Make sure you have good connectivity. 4. Find a comfortable spot. If you sit in front of a window or a lamp, you will be a silhouette and that makes it hard for others. Get your tea, or your coffee, or your water and be ready for your call. Get a pad of paper and a pen, to make notes with. Make sure that whatever documents you might need are at hand (agenda, agreements, bills, etc.) 5. You should be alone in the room. Your support system cannot be part of the meeting unless they’ve been invited in ahead of time. Certainly, your children should be nowhere around. Give the dog a bone and cover the bird cage. 6. Turn off the ringers on other devices. We don’t want you distracted by text messaging or a phone call that you feel you have to take. Remember, this is a business meeting. 7. If you have to schedule another appointment right after your Zoom conference, make sure you let everyone know at the start of the meeting. We don’t want to have to warp up a meeting early because you’ve just told us you have somewhere else to go. 8. Try not to interrupt – it confuses Zoom. That’s why you have the pad and pen. Write it down, and wait your turn. Big...
Read MoreThe world around us feels like it’s changing so quickly. For the moment, people may be pausing in their plans to separate but soon they’ll want to move forward. Some may just need support in “living through” the period of isolation, asking questions like How do we live together? How do we pass our children between us? What are the new rules? For others, there may be more long-term concerns like, when can we get our divorce? With the state court shut down, it may seem as if you need to put your life on hold. However, while at this writing we don’t yet know when the courts will reopen, it is still possible to answer these questions for your family. Attorney Davis is actively mediating with couples using video conferencing, to help them answer for themselves these and many other questions. While uncertainty seems to be all around us, there are many things couples can do to create certainty in their own lives. So what can you expect from video-conferencing? Certainly, you can expect from Attorney Davis a high level of service, compassion, and skill in assisting you to discuss and create plans for your family. We are using Zoom conferencing to create our meetings. Video-conferencing allows us all to “be in the room together” when we use the Gallery view of a Zoom conference – Attorney Davis is in her familiar office and you are in the comfort of your own home, with your own snacks and beverages and maybe even the family pet to cuddle. This may feel very intimate, as you are inviting the mediator into your personal space to mediate with you and your partner. But you will also find it to be very convenient because there’s no traffic, you don’t have to take significant time off from work and the kids don’t need to be driven to practice by a certain time. When your appointment is set up, you’ll be sent an email with your appointment link. There’s no need to install Zoom onto your computer, the link will bring you right to the mediation when you click on it. At the appointed time, Attorney Davis will open the mediation – and it...
Read MoreA client’s recent question to me about a Legal Separation got me to thinking: are there times when a Legal Separation would be preferable to a Divorce? First, let’s talk about what is – and what is not – a Legal Separation. It is not simply living separately. You can be “living separated” with your own residences and bank accounts but that isn’t “legally-separated.” When you simply live separately from your spouse, your legal rights with regard to growing joint assets and your legal responsibilities for joint debt and spousal support remain. At the end of the legal process, often the only difference is that at the end of a Divorce you are free to marry someone else but this is not so at the end of a Legal Separation, where you have to engage in a new legal action to convert the Legal Separation into a Divorce. People request Legal Separation for a variety of reasons. Sometimes, they just want to avoid the anticipated cost and trauma of a Divorce, or they have reasons based upon religious beliefs. Others think by legally separating they can ensure ongoing affordable health care for their spouse. Many people are not interested in seeking out another relationship but don’t wish to continue in the one they are in. A Legal Separation goes through the same process of discovery and final orders that a Divorce does – this is not “Divorce Light.” This is a full court process with final court orders that remain in place until one of you decides to convert the Legal Separation into a Divorce. So you might ask, if it’s the same process why choose a Legal Separation over a Divorce action? There might be several reasons and they have more to do with your personal and legal situation. Here are just a few considerations: • Immigration rights – If either you or your spouse is a lawful permanent resident with a 10-year green card, your renewal process shouldn’t experience any problems with either a Divorce or a Legal Separation. However if one of you has a conditional green card, a Divorce might challenge the underlying basis of a renewal application. If you are legally separated, however,...
Read MoreThere are always different stories and metaphors to understanding collaborative practice. Certainly, we can all understand it concretely – any one of us can describe the process of collaboration to the uninitiated and as well, any one of us can engage in deeper conversation about collaboration and its impact upon our clients’ lives. But there are lessons all around us which can lead us to a more intuitive understanding and practice, if we will but take the time to observe. My lesson was taught by a group of hummingbirds. Flighty, skittish and argumentative, hummingbirds are elusive creatures that I delight in watching. But I had to lure them to my home and the mere placement of a hummingbird feeder was not enough to encourage their presence. There must be cover for their protection. There must be shade, so their nectar does not become too hot and mold. Several feeders turned out to be better than one because they don’t share easily with one another. And most important, the nectar must be freshened and the feeder must be cleaned frequently and consistently. I had my feeders in place for a whole season, with nary a visitor. They were around, I could hear them but they would not come to my feeder. I became careless and less attentive to cleaning and in no time, my feeder had black mold. I packed up my feeder for the winter. The second season, I tried again and started to experience some success but again, the tiresome chore of changing the nectar with consistency became a problem and my hummingbirds went away. The third season I tried again, and this year there were two feeders set out, as well as some attractive hanging flowering plants. I cleaned my feeders and placed fresh nectar in them at least once a week (and twice a week when it was in the 90s) and I had hummingbirds! Trusting, thirsty, responsive hummingbirds became my tiny companions. Morning and evening they came to my deck, and enjoyed their nectar. I grew accustomed to their calls, and began to recognize individuals among them. We created trust and reliance between us. They would drink and skitter about in the tree, buzzing close...
Read MoreMany people inquire about mediating their divorce and usually their motivation is to keep the costs low. No one wants to spend hard-earned money on a divorce and when you meet with an attorney and learn that legal fees are incurred for “time spent” – whatever THAT might mean – you can’t help but wonder if there is a more affordable way to divorce The reality, however, is that mediation is only more affordable if you can reach an agreement. Nobody wants to waste time and money spinning their wheels uselessly. So before you choose mediation, you must first decide if you can mediate. Here are some things to consider: Our case is easy. No, it isn’t. No one’s divorce is “easy.” There are always twists and quirks that arise and you have no idea what they might be, because you aren’t knowledgeable in accounting, or financial law, or real estate transfers, or child development, or IRS regulations, or all of any number of potential roadblocks. Your mediator is. You might have an overall idea of what is “fair” but don’t expect your mediator to just write down your ideas, pat you on the head and say “well done.” You’re hiring a mediator, not a scrivener and you need to be prepared to get some education here. Our case is too complex to mediate. Many families face complexity. It could be a detailed financial portfolio, or an ongoing health crisis, or a relocation to a different state. It may feel insurmountable to you because you’re in the middle of it. Your mediator will break these issues down into manageable pieces, so that you can begin by working around the edges and making small agreements, and that will break down the big pieces of your case into manageable bites that you will successfully mediate. My spouse is very controlling/charming/manipulative. Again, not really. Your mediator is trained to work through personality issues and relationship dynamics. If one of you is not a talker, be prepared to be drawn into the conversation. If one of you is the talker, be prepared for some push-back. That’s the mediator’s job – to make sure everyone at the table can speak and is listened to....
Read MoreConflict often seems to be an inevitable part of our lives – whether on the national scene, at the workplace or in our families. Frequently conflict will seem to sort itself out, usually with a compromise or even a capitulation of one person and while it rarely goes away, it can lie beneath the surface so that we forget its presence, at least until the next time conflict peeks out at us. But what about the conflict that doesn’t go away? Maybe you’re dealing with an intractable fellow employee, who seems determined to destroy your reputation at the workplace. Perhaps your child or step-child is thwarting your every effort to parent competently. Or it could be that your partner in life has somehow changed, or maybe you have different goals now and it appears that your marriage is ending. These types of conflicts can threaten our very well-being and may clash with our perspective of who we are and where we think we stand in the world. We become competitive and defensive. Our viewpoint narrows and hardens into concrete positions. We start to describe our lives as a series of episodes, where we are the wronged party, the victim, the helpless one. We no longer know which action to choose. We lose the capacity to resolve the conflict in our life. The paradigm of mediation suits the resolution of these conflicts well because the mediator gently moves the participants away from firm positions and complaints into a discussion of goals, concerns, dreams and interests. This is the area that is rich with solutions because now we can discover areas of commonality and mutual understanding. When participants are invited to take a step back and to take a long view of the crisis, conflict can recede as options – not compromises – begin to present themselves. The co-workers can agree that they each want to advance to positions of more responsibility and that the success of the company is important to them both. They can now move beyond mutual sabotage and plot a course built on their respective strengths and value to the company. The parent and teenager can understand that independence is an important and necessary part of...
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"Jennifer E. Davis began her practice of law in 1987, with an exclusive focus upon the areas of Family Law since 1992. Her passion is alternative dispute resolution, which includes collaborative law, mediation, parent coaching and conducting day-long settlement negotiations. Because of her many years of courtroom experience as a skilled and competent litigator, she brings a high level of understanding to the needs of families to resolve their issues outside of a courtroom whenever possible."
